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Author Topic: Groaner thread  (Read 199128 times)

Offline Simon

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Bear
« Reply #330 on: March 24, 2006, 23:41 »
A bear walks into a bar an says to the bar tender,

"I would like a pint of beer and.............. a coke."

The bar tender says "What's with the big pause?"

The bear said "I've had them all my life"
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Offline Clive

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Groaner thread
« Reply #331 on: April 22, 2006, 09:42 »
Q: What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his
        exorcist?
        A: He was repossessed.
 
        Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
        A: Tweets.
 
        Q: What do goblins drink when there hot and thirsty?
        A: Ghoul-aid!!!
 
        Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
        A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
 
        Q: what do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
        A: sour-puss
 
        Q: What can't you give the headless horseman?
        A: A headache.
 
        Q: Why did the headless horseman go into business?
        A: He wanted to get ahead in life.

Offline Simon

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Groaner thread
« Reply #332 on: April 22, 2006, 11:40 »
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Offline Clive

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Groaner thread
« Reply #333 on: May 22, 2006, 19:38 »
A man from the city was watching a cow being milked.

As he watched, a fly flew in the cow?s ear. A moment later the man noticed a fly in the milk pail.

He asked the farmer how that could have happened.

?It?s simple,? said the farmer. ?In one ear and out the udder.?

Offline Simon

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Groaner thread
« Reply #334 on: May 22, 2006, 21:24 »
:cow:
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Offline mistybear

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Groaner thread
« Reply #335 on: May 23, 2006, 07:36 »
What side do you milk a cow on?




The udder side.
Those who can make you believe absurdities,
can make you commit atrocities.

Offline Simon

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Groaner thread
« Reply #336 on: May 23, 2006, 08:00 »
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Offline mistybear

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Groaner thread
« Reply #337 on: May 23, 2006, 08:08 »
Well it is called the Groaner thread. :laugh:
Those who can make you believe absurdities,
can make you commit atrocities.

Offline mistybear

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Quasimodo's Replacement.
« Reply #338 on: July 04, 2006, 07:46 »
Quasimodo, the hunchback of Notre Dame, told the bishop he needed a holiday after ringing the bells for 15 years, so they decided to place an add in the bell ringers bugle for a replacement.

The only applicants were a pair of identical twins with no arms, but they quickly dispelled Quasimodo's doubts that they could do the job.

"Just watch" said one, and he raced at the bell and butted it with his head. The resuld was a loud bong.

They both proved they could ring the bell with only head butts, but Quasi insisted it was a job for one person only, and the decision was made on the toss of a coin.

Things went well for a week, but the inevitable finally happened. While taking his run at the bell he tripped on the ropes, missed the bell, and went hurtling down the bell tower, crashing onto the plaza.

A croud quickly gathered around the body. A gendarme pushed through and asked, "Does anyone know his name?"

"No," said a peasant, "but his face rings a bell."

The unfortunate incident caused the bishop to send for the bell-ringers twin, who was only too happy to take over the job. However on the third day exactly the same accident happened to him. He tripped on the ropes and ended up lifeless on the plaza below.

Again the crowd gathered round and a gendarme pushed through and asked if anyone knew his name.

"No," replied the same peasant, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
Those who can make you believe absurdities,
can make you commit atrocities.

Offline Clive

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Groaner thread
« Reply #339 on: July 04, 2006, 12:13 »
That's one of the best jokes of all time in my book!   :laugh:

Offline Clive

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Groaner thread
« Reply #340 on: September 21, 2006, 14:54 »
A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest, in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. He falls into a trap, goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning slowly underneath him.

He cries out for help, and is answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen, who informs him that he is going to be served as dinner to the leader of the tribe.

"But you don't understand!" he cries, "You can't do this to me! I'm an editor for the New Yorker magazine!"

"Ah," replies the tribesman, "Well now you are editor-in-chief

Offline GillE

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Groaner thread
« Reply #341 on: October 01, 2006, 19:05 »
Q What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

A Philippe Philoppe
There is no opinion, however absurd, which men will not readily embrace as soon as they can be brought to the conviction that it is readily adopted.

(Schopenhauer, Die Kunst Recht zu Behalten)

Offline Clive

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Groaner thread
« Reply #342 on: October 01, 2006, 22:24 »
:cussing:

Offline mistybear

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Groaner thread
« Reply #343 on: October 02, 2006, 10:32 »
:grin:
Those who can make you believe absurdities,
can make you commit atrocities.

Offline Simon

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Groaner thread
« Reply #344 on: October 13, 2006, 18:03 »
There was this guy and he had a girlfriend named Lorraine who was very
pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work and found that a
new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly and she was
absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with Clearly and after a
while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But this guy
was a loyal man and he wouldn't do anything with Clearly while he was
still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing left to
do but to break up with Lorraine and get on with Clearly. He planned
several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
Then one day they went for a walk along the riverbank when Lorraine
slipped and fell into the river. The current carried her off and she
drowned. the guy stopped by the river for a moment and then ran off
smiling and singing... Scroll down.  
 
 
 































 



its good honest.....  
 
 
 
 
 

















































NO really it is  
 
 
 
 
 






































































Not much further now......
 
 







































































 
 
 
 




Nearly there...  
 
 
 
 



































































 
 




(Get ready, it's good...) .....



















































 



"I can see Clearly now. Lorraine has gone."
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