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Author Topic: Groaner thread  (Read 199140 times)

Offline Clive

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Groaner thread
« Reply #345 on: October 13, 2006, 18:32 »
:argh:   How does it feel to be hated Simon?

Offline Lona

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Groaner thread
« Reply #346 on: October 13, 2006, 18:38 »
:pmsl:
http://dinah.www.idnet.com/chrisisaac.swf


If one took the Scots out of the world, it would fall apart
Dr. Louis B Wright, Washington DC, National Geographic (1964), from Donald MacDonald, Edinburgh :thumb:

Offline mistybear

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Groaner thread
« Reply #347 on: October 14, 2006, 11:58 »
:argh:
I knew it, who has a name like Clearly. Plus it's one of my favourite songs.
Those who can make you believe absurdities,
can make you commit atrocities.

Offline Clive

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Groaner thread
« Reply #348 on: October 30, 2006, 13:47 »
A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...


BUMP...


BUMP...




Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him


FASTER...


FASTER...



BUMP...



BUMP...



BUMP...


He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.



However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping





clappity-BUMP...



clappity-BUMP...



clappity-BUMP...


on his heels, the terrified man runs.


Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling;
his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door.


Bumping and clapping toward him.



The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of Vick formula 44 cough syrup!




Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the coffin...



and,








The coffin stops!!!!

Offline mistybear

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Groaner thread
« Reply #349 on: October 31, 2006, 09:51 »
:argh:
Those who can make you believe absurdities,
can make you commit atrocities.

Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #350 on: November 07, 2006, 09:50 »
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them : "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."
 

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.

 
"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

 
"Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile" the Germans retort unbelievingly.

Look at ze papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons."

 

"You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian customs officer. Quattro meansa four.

You have fivea people ina your car and you are thereforea breaking the law."

 

The German driver replies angrily : "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over.

I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!"

 

"Sorry, responds the Italian officer, he can'ta come.

He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno"


Offline mistybear

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #351 on: November 07, 2006, 10:43 »
 :haha4:
Those who can make you believe absurdities,
can make you commit atrocities.

Offline Camstop

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #352 on: November 07, 2006, 11:30 »
 :funnypost:

Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #353 on: November 22, 2006, 08:43 »
Bobbitt Family Update

In a recent Channel 4 news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as
Lorena.


She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with
>> ...
>> ...
>> ...
>> ...
>> ...
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>> A Misdewiener!


Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #354 on: December 03, 2006, 08:49 »
A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman: "Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?"
The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. 
The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, he then leaves.   
The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. 
The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie. 
The rabbit consumes them and leaves.   
The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says: "A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman". 
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.   
The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, and the barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year. 
In walks the rabbit and says, "A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman", smiling and accepting the tributes of the masses.   
The barman says, "I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties".
The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,  "We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie". 
The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, "Are you sure I will like it?" 
The masses bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.   
The barman, with a roguish smile says: "Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends, I know you'll love it".   
"Ok" says the rabbit," I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie". 
The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves....
.....NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
One year later in the now impoverished public house the barman (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his) calls time. 
When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.   
The barman says, "Who are you"   
To which he is answered, "I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house".
The barman says, "I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, masses came to see you and this place was famous".   
The rabbit says, "Yes I know".   
The barman said, "I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead"   
The rabbit said: "Yes, you promised me that I would love it". 
The barman said: "You never came back, what happened?"   
"I DIED", said the Rabbit.   
"NO!" said the barman, ?what from".   
After a short pause. The rabbit said...       
Wait for it.............   "Mixin'-me-toasties".

Offline Simon

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #355 on: December 03, 2006, 11:02 »
:aarrgh:
Many thanks to all our members, who have made PC Pals such an outstanding success!   :thumb:

Offline mistybear

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #356 on: December 03, 2006, 11:54 »
I'll second that.  :aarrgh:
Those who can make you believe absurdities,
can make you commit atrocities.

Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #357 on: January 26, 2007, 22:46 »
liver and cheese


Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or
intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can
you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb
as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "Ho w about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is
the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says .



(ok this is good)













"Liver alone. Cheese mine."

« Last Edit: January 26, 2007, 22:48 by Clive »

Offline Simon

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #358 on: January 26, 2007, 23:14 »
 :aarrgh: :slug:
Many thanks to all our members, who have made PC Pals such an outstanding success!   :thumb:

Offline mistybear

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #359 on: January 27, 2007, 08:58 »
Not as bad as I thought it was going to be. ;D
Those who can make you believe absurdities,
can make you commit atrocities.


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