Topic: Groaner thread

[Simon]

That's not even worth a

[Clive]

 

[Clive]

 
 
CHICKEN SURPRISE      A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant,
and order the 'Chicken Surprise',
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly
and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around,
before the lid slams back down.

'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband.
He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot.
He reaches for it and again the lid rises and he sees two little eyes,
looking around before it slams down..
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over,
explains what is happening, and  demands an explanation.
'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?'
The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise'

(You're going to love this,
and you're going to hate yourself for loving it!...)

'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter,
'I bring you Peeking Duck by mistake'.......

[Simon]

[Clive]

Suitable punishment for Simon's Quiz of the Week win.  Not that I'm vindictive.   

Two brooms were hanging in the cupboard.....
 
 After a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
 
 One broom was, Of course,The bride broom, the other,The groom broom.
 
 The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.
 
 The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.
 
 The wedding was lovely.
 
 After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom:
 
 'I think I am going to have a little broom!'
 
 'IMPOSSIBLE !'
 
 Said the groom broom.
 
 
 
 Are you ready for this?
 
 Brace yourself; this is going to hurt!!!!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
 

[Simon]

[Clive]

 

[Rodders]

I've just arrived for the Positive Thinking workshop.  The class is half empty.   

[Simon]

[Clive]

 

[Rodders]

A man goes to the doctor and says, "I can't stop myself buying tickets for every draw and raffle going."

The doctor's eye's widened, "I'm sorry Mr Jones, but we're going to have to put you into isolation straight away."

"Why's that doc?" stuttered the man.

"I'm afraid you've contracted the British strain of a highly contagious disease", replied the doctor donning a mask.

"For god's sake, what is it?" gulped the man.

"It's the Tombola virus,"  replied the doctor. 

[Simon]

[Clive]

 

[Rodders]

Researchers for the Ministry of Transport recently found over 200 dead crows in the Greater Manchester area and voiced concerns that they may have died from Avian Flu.  A Bird Pathologist subsequently examined the remains of the birds and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian 'Flu.  The cause of death almost invariably appeared to be the result of vehicular impacts.

During a detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws and by further analysing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car or motorcycle.

The Ministry of Transport then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate ratio of truck kills versus car kills, whereupon an Ornithological Behaviourist very quickly concluded the cause:  When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree, or other observation point, to warn of impending danger.  However, while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could say "Lorry."

[Simon]