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Author Topic: Groaner thread  (Read 198987 times)

Offline Den

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #915 on: March 17, 2016, 22:12 »
Q. Why did the orange use suntan lotion?
 A. He started to peel.
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Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #916 on: March 17, 2016, 22:13 »
 :aarrgh:

Offline Simon

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #917 on: March 17, 2016, 23:43 »
 :facepalm:
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Offline Den

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #918 on: March 24, 2016, 21:52 »
A man wanted an Easter pet for his daughter. He looked at a baby chick and a baby duck.

They were both cute, but he decided to buy the baby chick.

Do you know why?

The baby chick was a little cheaper.  :D
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Offline Simon

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #919 on: March 24, 2016, 23:18 »
:out:
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Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #920 on: March 25, 2016, 14:32 »
 :sigh:

Offline Rodders

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #921 on: March 29, 2016, 10:34 »
An Englishman, Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all watching a street performer do some juggling.  When the juggler notices the four blokes have a very poor view from where they're standing he gets up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Sí."

"Ja."

Offline Simon

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #922 on: March 29, 2016, 11:36 »
 :facepalm:
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Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #923 on: March 29, 2016, 12:33 »
 :)x

Offline Den

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #924 on: April 03, 2016, 14:07 »
'When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.'

Bob Monkhouse (1928-2003)
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Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #925 on: April 03, 2016, 15:17 »
 :laugh:

Offline Simon

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #926 on: April 03, 2016, 21:36 »
 ;D
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Offline Rodders

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #927 on: May 02, 2016, 18:39 »
A group of Legionnaires were marching across the scorching desert.  They hadn't had water for three days and hadn't eaten for a week, but they did not crack and strode solidly on.  Suddenly one of them froze.  "Psssst" said he.  His companions halted and trained their eyes to where the first legionnaire was pointing.

"Voila!", said he, " Regardez, mes amis.  Isn't zat a bacon tree on ze 'orizon?"  And sure enough there it stood, proud and defiant in the middle of the burning desert, the fabled bacon tree.  Slowly they crept forward towards the object in the far distance.  Inch by inch, centimeter by centimeter, until they were within a stone's throw of the bacon tree.

Closer and closer they crept, when suddenly a shot rang out, dropping one of the legionnaires in his tracks.  The Legionnaires hit the ground as bullets thudded into the sand all around them and the other two returned fire while administering first aid to their wounded comrade.  Even as they bandaged him they could hear his faint voice: "Zat was no bacon tree!" he gasped...













"Zat was an 'am bush."

Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #928 on: May 02, 2016, 19:39 »
 :facepalm: :omg:

Offline Simon

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #929 on: May 02, 2016, 21:51 »
:groan:
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