Author Topic: One-liners (Read 36170 times)

Den · « **Reply #195 on:** March 07, 2019, 17:55 »

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

GillE · « **Reply #196 on:** March 07, 2019, 19:30 »

Simon · « **Reply #197 on:** March 07, 2019, 20:11 »

Den · « **Reply #198 on:** March 10, 2019, 17:16 »

My wife was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that...

Den · « **Reply #199 on:** March 10, 2019, 17:24 »

“Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common: they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips.”

Den · « **Reply #200 on:** March 10, 2019, 17:31 »

I always worry when a woman sees me naked for the first time that she’s just going to scream and run out of the park

Rodders · « **Reply #201 on:** April 06, 2019, 12:49 »

I swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.

Simon · « **Reply #202 on:** April 06, 2019, 13:15 »

Clive · « **Reply #203 on:** April 06, 2019, 14:54 »

daveeb · « **Reply #204 on:** April 07, 2019, 15:41 »

I always worry when a woman sees me naked for the first time that she’s just going to scream and run out of the park

I'm going to have to borrow that one

Clive · « **Reply #205 on:** April 08, 2019, 14:38 »

Rodders · « **Reply #206 on:** April 18, 2019, 11:53 »

My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.

Simon · « **Reply #207 on:** April 18, 2019, 12:20 »

Clive · « **Reply #208 on:** April 18, 2019, 14:26 »

GillE · « **Reply #209 on:** April 30, 2019, 20:33 »

I went to the zoo the other day and saw a baguette in a cage. It was bread in captivity.