~ Betsy Salkind...
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
~ Jean Kerr...
The only reason they say “Women and children first” is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
~ Prince Philip...
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
~ Emo Philips...
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
~ Harrison Ford...
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
~ Spike Milligan...
The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree.
~ Jean Rostand...
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger...
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars, but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
~ WH Auden...
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
~ Jonathan Katz...
In hotel rooms, I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
~ Johnny Carson...
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
~ Warren Tantum... (School photo album).
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
~ Steve Martin...
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
~ Jimmy Durante...
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
~ Doug Hanwell...
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
~ George Roberts...
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
~ Jonathan Winters...
If God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
~ Robert Benchley...
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
~ John Glenn...
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
~ David Letterman...
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
~ Howard Hughes...
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Goddammit, I'm a billionaire.
~ Old Italian proverb...
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
Topic: Philosophers of the past century (Read 443 times)